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Friday, July 14, 2017

Eternal Brotherly Love

    It was 2007 and I was just walking out of my shit job. You were walking into a rehab program I had just graduated and relapsed the day I got out. I had met you 3 years before that but I was too jealous to make friends. You had a swag about you and even my girlfriend at the time could see it. You were just anybody , you were Wayne!
     Since I met you I have never heard a bad word about you. I was trying to dig into my girlfriend at the time to say one but she didn't have one. It was me. I wanted to be like you. When we became friends we immediately synced up. Two lost souls up to absolutely no fucking good and loving it. Even now as I cry I couldn't imagine what I would have become without you. Even in the darkest times we built each other up.
    When I got clean you were locked up. I felt like I was strong enough for the both of us. That my way would pave the way for the both of us. Only the way is God's way and he had a plan for the both of us. You would always say to me, " Let's keep going, we are not supposed to be here ". We should have died long ago. You were right. I can't help but feel we are not supposed to be in this situation now. You being gone and me being here trying to figure out why.
    You were the best and I'm forever grateful. I wish you were here so I could thank you for every minute we spent as friends. Whatever word means more then family that is what you are. Someone that shot past the moon and landed amongst the stars. You are my brother. I will always love you.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Lost My Brother To A Monster

    The last thing we said to each other was I love you. I would have said more if I knew we would never speak again. To try and tell you I have accepted everything would be a lie and too difficult to explain what I am feeling. To be honest I am mad at you. What you did was incredibly selfish. What you didn't know. How ugly the Monster is waiting for all of us should we choose to go down this path.
    Others have tried to tell me you chose this. I don't and won't ever say you chose to fucking die. I know this. I know you. We had plans to live. From someone who sat in the darkest hell with you. Knowing well we shouldn't be here. You would never choose death. We searched for our escape. Along the way people hurt and failed us. Mis-informed and misguided us. They preyed on our pain. While we prayed to not repeat this day.
   The Monster that is human error and failure is what killed you. Although you are at peace now. I felt  you had so much more to do here on Earth. You were broken in a broken system . Trying to pick the pieces up of your own life . I watched you feel neglected. I shared your struggle. We spoke on family and the saddness way before addiction. How much pain we shared with one another was unique. To be able to speak our own language in a room with people who have not woken up to what we have. That was special my dude. We were and always will be brothers. I would have given my life to let you know how much love I had and have for you.
   I lost you to a Monster that had many moving parts. I would have gone to war for you. Instead we were always going to war with one another. I guess that's what brothers do. We fight because we feel we know best for one another. We fight because steal sharpens steal. Real recognize real. You were fly. You deserve those wings. You are my guardian angel now.
   The Monster is now on to others like you. From the Dealer who used you for his best interest. To the system that let you slip. I cannot reverse your last steps. I have been trying to ever since I heard that Mans voice saying you were gone. He cried, I cried, we all cried for you. Such a beautiful soul. My brother in life , my brother for life, and now my brother In Christ eternally.