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Thursday, September 29, 2016

Make it a positive life

Time is so precious. There is never enough of it and it always runs out. Make sure you spend your moments loving as hard as you can. Laughing until you make ridiculous noises. Fart under the covers with your loved ones. Climb a mountain and watch a waterfall pour down inside of it. Watch the sunrise and set from 30,000 feet up. Sit on top of a cloud and make a wish that is completely absurd. Then spend the rest of your life making it come true. Do funny accents for people and watch them smile and question your sanity. Enjoy these moments and make memories for yourself and the people around you. Most of all make sure you  leave  a part of you that cannot be purchased with money but given away for free for the next one who follows in your journey.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Coffee First

Oh my God do I love you. My mother started off with you and I couldn't understand her love and infatuation with you. You left a stink in the air and tasted sour. But now look at you! We have had this relationship going strong for 10 years now. I can't leave you. I have tried for Tea many times but there is just something about your sweet nectar and the feeling you give me when we embrace. I am tormented by you. When we fight I wake up with the worst headaches until we make up. I'm fixated on mixing you with certain crowds like hazelnut , caramel, latte when its been a long week, and pumpkin when she visits in the fall. Its been an amazing 10 years. I can see where my mother went right. I love waking up next to you and hope to continue to exploring this love for another 10.
Sincerely,
Shane Patrick

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

I shouldn't be here. People barely make it out from where myself and many others now come from. I had a needle in my arm 6 years ago. My daughter was fatherless. I broke the one promise I said I would never break. I told myself I would never leave my child fatherless like mine had. I hated the term "stepfather" because it was synonymous with physical and mental abuse. I never wanted my child placed in a situation where she might be in danger like I had been. I was supposed to always be there to protect her. But here we were. She was fatherless at 3. Then finally God intervened . He made a promise to give me my life back if I give my life towards helping others. Service was the only debt I could pay. I agreed and he said, " Then you may have it".
Not a day goes by where I am not thankful to Him and the many others that have helped to this point.
My story is still being written page by page, day by day.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Be Yourself

Be sure of yourself. How others view you does not always reflect who you are. To thine own self be true. But be careful. How others view you can be a direct result of who you are. If you are a kind and considerate person. Be that all the way 1000 percent. If you are an asshole. Own it. You are better off being true to who you are then fake to someone else. Believe me it is noticed internally and externally. Be kind, be awesome, be you always.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

I need help

I need help. Three of the most powerful words you can use while trying to get sober. I have learned in the last 6 years when you want something bad enough the universe will conspire to help you. You have to believe in it just as much as you believed in the drugs and alcohol that deceived into doing more. I have never found a solution like the one presented to me once I gave true Recovery a chance. I know I cannot be there for everyone who says they need help. I do hope to be there for some of you. Stay Safe and God Bless. Keep believing in the magic that connects us through prayer for one another.

New York

The very commandment that promised me life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing  an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me - Romans 7:10-11

I couldn't tell if I needed heroin or I wanted it. It promised me a life I never had. Told me lies of love and power. Then turned on me and tried to take the only life I ever have. My life is Gods and no other. I gave him power for Grace.



Saturday, September 24, 2016

No Filter


 No filter. Even now its taken me months to adjust to having a place of my own. Almost 6 years ago I was homeless. Even after I got sober it wasn't right away. I had to wait for certain things in my life. My own home was one. My daughter and I would share my bed when she would stay with me. I rented rooms or stayed with friends & family. I stayed sober though. Waiting for God's answer. Now that I have it I don't know how to say thank you except for service. Gratitude is a word only without action behind it. My name Shane means, " God is Gracious". I get what it means now little by little.

Getting my life back to get back to you


I hope you when you get  to read this you will you will understand. That by the time you understand you never had to struggle the way I did before you were born. You are my best friend and my guiding light. My struggle with addiction took everything away from me including you. I lost myself so there was no way I could have kept you. I had a mantra when I was high , " I gotta get back to Sadie". I would repeat it over and over. Before you were born I didn't have much worth or a good reason to live. Then you came, it was shocking and scary similar to hitting the brakes in your car at 100 mph. I didn't want you to get in the way of my world of drugs,  drinking, drug dealing, and recklessness. Reality hit the day you came into the world. I ran to the bathroom and cried for myself without cutting the umbilical cord.. I was detoxing that day and felt sorry for myself. I knew I had to get clean. I just didn't know how, I had no answer for my destructive appetite.
        The courts gave me my first solution believe it or not. I was arrested on drug possession and intent to distribute. There in my first bout of sobriety I discovered you. This adorable little 9 month year old baby that was just infatuated with me and had such and infectious smile. I would come home head to the fridge , close it and there you would be. We had a routine of love and play. Those 6 months of sobriety gave me hope during 3 more years of drug abuse. It was such a paradox. Why would I trade such love and happiness for darkness and loneliness? I never discovered the solution that would later give me 6 years in Recovery during those 6 months of sobriety.
         I wish I could explain in detail what happened or how it happened but it was slow and painful. Its funny my sobriety has been slow and painful to haha. But I haven't lost you since. You are in the other room on your tablet and I am writing this for us. You give and gave me hope. There are get too's and got too's  my pastor tells me. The things we got to do in life in order to get to do certain things. I had to surrender and get help in order to get you back in my life. We sometimes got to give up what kills us in so we can get to a solution that heals us. As a father I hope you will understand if we never met maybe this solution wouldn't have meant what it does. My gratitude towards you is through the continuous action I have taken to never go back . My spelling might not be the best and grammar might be off. You might correct this years from now, but being a Dad has been perfect for me.