Thursday, September 29, 2016
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Oh my God do I love you. My mother started off with you and I couldn't understand her love and infatuation with you. You left a stink in the air and tasted sour. But now look at you! We have had this relationship going strong for 10 years now. I can't leave you. I have tried for Tea many times but there is just something about your sweet nectar and the feeling you give me when we embrace. I am tormented by you. When we fight I wake up with the worst headaches until we make up. I'm fixated on mixing you with certain crowds like hazelnut , caramel, latte when its been a long week, and pumpkin when she visits in the fall. Its been an amazing 10 years. I can see where my mother went right. I love waking up next to you and hope to continue to exploring this love for another 10.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
I shouldn't be here. People barely make it out from where myself and many others now come from. I had a needle in my arm 6 years ago. My daughter was fatherless. I broke the one promise I said I would never break. I told myself I would never leave my child fatherless like mine had. I hated the term "stepfather" because it was synonymous with physical and mental abuse. I never wanted my child placed in a situation where she might be in danger like I had been. I was supposed to always be there to protect her. But here we were. She was fatherless at 3. Then finally God intervened . He made a promise to give me my life back if I give my life towards helping others. Service was the only debt I could pay. I agreed and he said, " Then you may have it".
Not a day goes by where I am not thankful to Him and the many others that have helped to this point.
My story is still being written page by page, day by day.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Be sure of yourself. How others view you does not always reflect who you are. To thine own self be true. But be careful. How others view you can be a direct result of who you are. If you are a kind and considerate person. Be that all the way 1000 percent. If you are an asshole. Own it. You are better off being true to who you are then fake to someone else. Believe me it is noticed internally and externally. Be kind, be aweso
me, be you always.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
The very commandment that promised me life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me - Romans 7:10-11
I couldn't tell if I needed heroin or I wanted it. It promised me a life I never had. Told me lies of love and power. Then turned on me and tried to take the only life I ever have. My life is Gods and no other. I gave him power for Grace.
Saturday, September 24, 2016
No filter. Even now its taken me months to adjust to having a place of my own. Almost 6 years ago I was homeless. Even after I got sober it wasn't right away. I had to wait for certain things in my life. My own home was one. My daughter and I would share my bed when she would stay with me. I rented rooms or stayed with friends & family. I stayed sober though. Waiting for God's answer. Now that I have it I don't know how to say thank you except for service. Gratitude is a word only without action behind it. My name Shane means, " God is Gracious". I get what it means now little by little.
The courts gave me my first solution believe it or not. I was arrested on drug possession and intent to distribute. There in my first bout of sobriety I discovered you. This adorable little 9 month year old baby that was just infatuated with me and had such and infectious smile. I would come home head to the fridge , close it and there you would be. We had a routine of love and play. Those 6 months of sobriety gave me hope during 3 more years of drug abuse. It was such a paradox. Why would I trade such love and happiness for darkness and loneliness? I never discovered the solution that would later give me 6 years in Recovery during those 6 months of sobriety.
I wish I could explain in detail what happened or how it happened but it was slow and painful. Its funny my sobriety has been slow and painful to haha. But I haven't lost you since. You are in the other room on your tablet and I am writing this for us. You give and gave me hope. There are get too's and got too's my pastor tells me. The things we got to do in life in order to get to do certain things. I had to surrender and get help in order to get you back in my life. We sometimes got to give up what kills us in so we can get to a solution that heals us. As a father I hope you will understand if we never met maybe this solution wouldn't have meant what it does. My gratitude towards you is through the continuous action I have taken to never go back . My spelling might not be the best and grammar might be off. You might correct this years from now, but being a Dad has been perfect for me.