It was 2005 and I was boarding a plane to Michigan. I was off to boot camp for the Navy. Scared shitless and hiding a major injury that I was unaware of. To preface this I was aware I was hurt but not aware that I was missing an ACL from a ski injury I received 6 months prior. When your shitfaced on a double diamond having never skied in your life things tend to go really wrong.
I was doing absolutely nothing good with myself that Summer following my injury. I was peddling in weed and cocaine distribution to keep my mild but ever growing opiate habit alive and well. Once again I was couch surfing and looking for an answer to my problems. My roommate kicked me out for lack of rent and the fact the I liked to piss on the threshold of his bedroom door when I was tanked. So I decided to run away to the military. Quite the experience leading up to Michigan. To start my recruiter talked to me like shit and didn't trust the fact I was not getting high. My attitude was, " fuck him" he doesn't know shit. I barely passed my drug test.
Following my lightly tainted but passing drug test we all ended up at this building in Boston to go through a series of physicals. First thing I remember is walking into this physicians room and him pulling a lollipop out of his mouth and saying, " You caught me sucking on a sweet". I was thrown off and instantly my sarcasm kicks in. I start cracking jokes to break the uncomfortable feeling I had within myself. Last thing I wanted was my balls held by a man with a lollipop in his mouth. I was ready to be disruptive. The whole time being there I was questioning what the fuck I was doing there in the first place. I did not want to leave home. I loved drugs. My relationship was dysfunctional. I could not trust my girlfriend or leave here alone yet I was comfortable sitting in this pile of shit I created for myself.
My defenses were up and I was in complete self destruct mode. My plan was to get to Honolulu where I was promised homeport guarantee , have my girlfriend start mailing me cocaine to sell in Paradise. What a life! Cocaine and the tropics my life would be complete. What happened was I was sick. I got there and immediately started picturing all the guys my girlfriend was cheating on me with. Whether fancied or real. They all existed in my thunderdome at that time and these suitors were raining on my parade.
I wanted to be a Cocaine Cowboy of the High Seas. The thought of all these guys though drove me to a point I wrangled my way out of boot camp. I played the injury card. They shipped me home and I pursued my career as a Cocaine dealer and Social Addict.
I immediately got going pissing everyone off. Along with a chaotic drug scene in my friends apartment from a mattress on the floor I felt fine from the perks the doctor gave me pre-surgery. My suspicions were semi-right at the time. My girlfriend and best friend were circling the wagon with one another. I kind of had it coming. He never touched a drug in his life and I trapped his 2 bedroom apartment out while cheating all over my girlfriend in his place.
I was a mess and everyone around me did not want to be around me. I hurt everyone . I was pleasant and funny to be around in and out of drug and alcohol fueled blackouts. I would wake up everyday with this monster in my chest. I couldn't hear my own thoughts anymore. I was filled with sickness, loneliness, pain, and obsession. Lines of Oxycottin and Cocaine mashed up should fix the day.