And Drink I Did: Jay Keefe

The morning after my last drink I woke up in my brother’s boiler room with tears streaming down my face.

I wanted to die.

If I’d had a gun there I would’ve stuck the nozzle in my mouth and pulled the trigger. Gladly.

I was done. I couldn’t do it anymore.

I crawled off the futon, walked through the kitchen, and pissed all over my brother’s backyard.

I stumbled back to my room and as I was about to lay down and pass out again for a few hours, I did something I hadn’t done in almost twenty-five years.

In that rug less room, with the tiny swinging window carved high into the concrete, my only indication of whether it was day or night, with the leathery aftertaste of Jose Cuervo stuck to my tongue and stale, flat Coor’s Light rolling around in my gut, I got down on my knees and prayed to a god I didn’t believe in.

My prayer was simple and I felt like a fool, but I did it anyway.

I need help.

I can’t do this anymore. Please help me. Please.

Later that day I called a friend I had met at an meeting the previous week and he told me to come pick him up and we’d goto a meeting.

As soon as he got in the truck he asked, “Are you done?”

Without hesitation, I answered yes.

I got my twenty-four hour chip that night and it was embarrassing and shameful but I knew I had to do it. My friend insisted on it anyway.

The next few weeks were a haze.

I couldn’t concentrate on anything, I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t eat much.

I felt completely lost.

I kept going to meetings but I wasn’t listening to anything that was said. When it was my turn to read, I’d pass and I never spoke a word. But I kept going.

I knew I never wanted to drink again so I took the suggestions that were offered to me.  I went to meetings.  I got a sponsor.  I started (begrudgingly) the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And my life improved immensely.  I also went on commitments with my home group and was able to identify with them (and they with me).  It didn't matter what our backgrounds were-we were all alcoholics trying to stay sober for just one more day.  I found solace in that.  I also found some of the best friends I'm ever going to have, friends who don't co-sign my garbage and who keep me real.

Since becoming sober I received both my Certified Personal Training certificate from The National Academy of Sports Medicine and my certificate as a Certified Health Coach from The Institute of Integrative Nutrition.

I also published my first book, "And Drink I Did", in July of 2015.  It's the story of my alcoholism and my recovery from this insidious disease.

I know that if I stay connected to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, regularly attend meetings, and practice the 12 Steps on a daily basis, I'm capable of anything.

Sobriety is the single most important thing in my life and I'm grateful every day (one day at a time) that I'm able to not only stay sober, but to carry that message to other alcoholics who may be suffering.