Before we were Roses: If Chemicals Failed, How can they Cure?

I lost my friend Peter this week. There have been so many fucking overdoses and loss of life there are times where you become jaded to it. Then you lose someone close to you. Someone you always had hope that he or she were eventually going to turn the corner with there addiction. Then you get the worst call. It was actually a great day before that. My father was over the house for our weekly visit to watch the Patriots game. Then the text comes through your phone in a very impersonal and a matter-of-fact way. "Peter died last night". My stomach sank and my mind raced trying to grab a hold of any joke, story, or quirk we had as friends together. I tried not focusing on the fact we had another dumb argument a month before. He was so quick witted and such a wise ass like me we would both take it too far until the other ones feelings were hurt. This time he one and we almost fist fought at the Recovery Center over it. I laugh now and I knew then our argument was only temporary . After he passed I spoke to his son's mother about it. She said, ' Pete felt the same way, that we would get over it and make up like brothers do".
           Pete and I first met through our mutual sponsor. He was loud, loving, and obnoxious. He was extremely smart and talent with word and lyric. He had such a way of pissing you off with his words and also harbored a hidden talent of writing music. You would never know with spending the majority of time speaking fluently in sarcasm and insanity. We didn't intend to go crazy or die. Its what the obsession brought on by drug addiction starting with drug use brings. I hear so much talk these days about safe alternatives and medications to cure drug addiction. Personally speaking after leaving the lad of drug abuse and experiment for over 10 years there is NO CURE. Just solutions and the chemical way has already failed us. How is it supposed to cure us? It is said that these alternate medications take care of the cravings. Suboxen is said to do this exact thing while blocking opioids. Yes it does take care of the craving. But it is never the craving that gets us in trouble. Its the obsession. I crave beer hear and there to this day. Fleeting thoughts that never transpire or last for more then a few seconds. The obsession to chase that first one lasted me 10 years and led to arrests and homelessness. The obsession led me down a path where I could not recognize who I was nor could the people in my life. They thought I was making bad decisions and at one point so did I. Truth is though we were right and wrong. Right that I was unrecognizable wrong that I was making the decisions.
            The obsession is like no other. If Pete were here he could tell you about it. We share similar and different war stories. We also share being parents and being helpless to our addiction while our kids were young. My mind was so foggy with how to fix myself. I only had one clear thought. When and how the fuck am I getting high today? As long as I could get high first I could start trying to figure out how to get my life back together. Who I was going to be that day depended on how my medication worked that day. The hard reality is the medication hadn't worked the same since the first day I tried it. I nodded out almost puked and fell in love with opiates. I remember falling asleep that night with a blueprint on how to fix all my problems. My mind and heart were so connected that night. I had reached a spiritual experience that I had never experienced before or after as a matter of fact. It came with one catch though. The next day I wasn't going to remember shit until I tapped back into that finite power. I would tap into again and again and just like the first time the answer was there when I was high and nowhere to be found when I was sober. Pete and myself along with so many others  have all shared this same exact experience. We are not morally bad people making shitty decisions. We are unique talented souls who are in trouble and need some serious help. We cannot figure it out for ourselves and it does not seem to be getting better. So whether you see us as sick and suffering or just bad people. You should get to know who we are before you only get to know about who we were. I only can tell you who Pete was. I prefer to still think about who he is. He is important and will remain important along with all the other friends we have lost as a collective nation. I loved him like a brother. I am going to miss you Peter. Thank you for everything brother.